Heavy thoughts after a long draught...

Okay, how long has it been?... A month?... 2 months?... Bleh, I have no idea... It's not that I don't have the time to blog, in fact I have A LOT of time to do it... It's just that I don't have the motivation to do so... It's not like there's anyone out there reading my blog without me asking them to come and visit my lil' blog here... But hey, that's human relation for you... Regardless of how intimate your relationships are, a stranger is a stranger... Not that I've seen it all, but that's what I've experienced so far... Then again, I'm very much and insecure, oblivious, blur person, so my views would probably be a one-sided approach... But let's not talk about it... I'm sure that I'll be subjected to a constant barrage of flaming by various parties if I do so... This is not a flaming blog anyway... Maybe I should start one, a flame site for all my haters haha... That would probably be popular, considering how many enemies I've made so far...

Now, let's talk about what I've been up to until now... I finally got my hands on Nicholas Sparks' "A Walk to Remember" novel... And as expected of Nicholas Sparks, first I smailed, then I laughed, and I cried by the end of the story... No, I haven't go cuckoo, thank you... Go read the novel, and you'll understand what I mean... Business is going on fine, though not as fast as I wanted it to be... But hey, it's a normal business, though the operations are not as normal as your average home-based business, so what do you expect... Still, I have to qualify as a Supervisor if I were to be successfull in this business (not that a normal Distribitor can't be successful, it's just that fast is better than slow)... And I have to do so by the end of December... Several countries are opening next year, and I want to "ride the waves" in those countries... I was hoping that some of my friends would be helpful enough to help me, at least by getting me referrals... But I don't have many friends in need... None, perhaps... My best friend wouldn't even let me explain properly about what I'm doing, my close friends here in UIA... ... ... Well, they prefer to be "normal", though they are not "normal" by normal standards... And so far I've been working with strangers, people I have no idea existed before... Mom is on the products already, and she seems to like them a lot... Dad, well, he's always worrying about the wrong things, so no comments... And my sister will be joining the business after Hari Raya (hopefully)... Now, if only I could drag Mom and Sis to the coming STS... That would be better...

Talking about being "normal", I've been reflecting about my life lately... wondering where my lifestyle and orientation will lead me to (although I have a very good idea where I'll end up after death *sigh*)... Wondering will I end up as a lonely old man, who takes care of cats to kill his time, and die surrounded by cats... Hopefully I will not turn into cat food if I do grow old alone with cats... Wondering if I ever have a chance to be called "dad" (adoption sounds interesting, doesn't it)... Wondering if I can be a good role model (if you take out the orientation part, that is)... Wondering how would I feel when that certain someone decides to start his own family, and what should I do when that time comes... Should I leave his life for good?... Or should I stay and keep my end of the "always be your best friend no matter what" promise?... Either way is hard, I think... I can't handle partings well... Should I get myself a substitute?... It does sound unfair to go out with someone when you have another person in your mind...

Well, I guess it's "normal" to thik about those things... Being 23, and never been in love seriously (wait, I AM in love, but it's a one-sided love) does get to your nerves sometimes, right?...

I haven't heard from Suyin for a long time now... I wonder if she's okay... She even promised to e-mail me, that brat... maybe I should give her a good scolding once she's back... If I ever meet her, that is... Afterall, a stranger is a stranger, no matter how intimate your relationship with them...